Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconxxharmoniouschaosxx: More from xxHarmoniousChaosxx


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
November 19, 2012
File Size
3.1 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
120
Favourites
1 (who?)
Comments
0

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×


Ever have one of those extremely long sentences that became an absolute monster? Let's face it, monster sentences eat paper, they look and sound unprofessional, and sometimes when reading one, it's hard to catch some oxygen.
While some of us love writing long sentences, sometimes wordiness can carry us into dangerous waters. In these dangerous waters, the monster sentence is lurking, just waiting to take a bite out of our writing. Don't let the monster sentence kill your writing style!
Here's an example: The dog ran quickly down the hill to chase the cat the cat then became distracted by a bird the bird was too distracted by a worm to notice the cat stalking it even though the cat was being chased by the dog.
Whew! That was a beast, right? Let's pick that sentence apart and see what can be tamed.
Revision: The dog ran quickly down the hill to chase the cat. The cat then became distracted by a bird. The bird was too distracted by a worm to notice the cat stalking it, even though the cat was being chased by the dog.
That really cuts to the chase. We want to know what the dog, cat, and bird were doing, but what we really want to do is make the sentence bearable for the readers. With the insertion of commas and periods, reading this story can be a lot easier and precise. Without the proper punctuation, this monster wreaks havoc, like Godzilla in Tokyo.
Don't be afraid to use semi-colons; they can help tame the beast. Semi-colons bind two related thoughts together, while keeping the whole sentence structure from being a writing killer.
Another example taken from my personal movie review: The explanation I have for this analysis is that the Vicomte de Chagny character lacks depth and is very one-dimensional compared to the Phantom he lacks that key element of mystery that makes the Phantom irresistible.
In this sentence, the writer is talking about two different subjects that are closely related. Between, "Phantom he," there should be some sort of pause. The sentence is two sentences thrown into one sentence altogether. Therefore, a comma won't be enough. Let's try that with a semi-colon.
Revision: The explanation I have for this analysis is that the Vicomte de Chagny character lacks depth and is very one-dimensional compared to the Phantom; he lacks that key element of mystery that makes the Phantom irresistible.
There is a pause. The semi-colon makes it known that this is, in fact, two separate, closely-related sentences. They are so similar in topic that they can be inserted in the same sentence together.
Long sentences can make your writing flow smoothly. The shorter the sentence, the more choppy and broken up the writing sounds.
When you feel like the monster sentence is dragging you to its lair for supper, stop and take a look at it; you may be missing some punctuation. In conclusion, don't be afraid of the monster sentence. With some punctuation and finesse, the monster sentence will become a gentle beast that will be your best friend forever.
Old English Paper.
Grade: 100%
No comments have been added yet.

Add a Comment: